Conscious uncoupling

If you have seen the entertainment news this week you will likely have heard the term “conscious uncoupling”. Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin have not separated but rather consciously uncoupled.

I’ve seen a few definitions for this concept but essentially it seems to be a recognition that relationships are not supposed to last forever and when a relationship ends both parties should be grateful for what was not bitter about what is no longer.

It would be very easy to dismiss this concept as airy-fairy celebrity nonsense but separation is a reality for many people and anything that can assist people through this tough time is worth considering.

Looking a little deeper into the concept of conscious uncoupling it turns out many of the ideas are no different from the broad concepts embraced by the Australian family law system – including putting the needs of the children first and focusing on a just outcome not a combative outcome.

Many of the tips I discuss with clients regularly seem to be the same or similar to those in conscious uncoupling:

My concepts	Conscious uncoupling
You give what you get. If something is important to you and you don’t want to give it up remember that when there is something that the other party requests.	Be "for" the other person - you both win.
Adapt your frame of mind - you will see valuable lessons that allow you to grow beyond the relationship	Focus on what you've gained, not what you've lost.
Put your kids first. You are still a family. Don't fight in front of your kids or speak negatively about your ex to your kids.	Choose your kids over being right. As Gwyneth Paltrow recently said, you are and always will be a family.
If you can separate well you will live well afterwards.	Never say I won't love again. Maybe you are not ready now, but know that you deserve to find love again.

 

Now these are all easy to say and extremely hard to do - and are more often a work in progress. But maybe the key concept from conscious uncoupling - a relationship can be successful even if it ends in separation – could be some comfort.