Monday 22 April 2013

Celebrity role model?

You may have seen over the last couple of days a snippet about Reese Witherspoon and the law: her husband was allegedly driving while intoxicated and Reese apparently pulled a little celebrity hissy fit.

While that is not the celebrity role model I'm referring to in the heading of this post it did remind me of a moment that did capture Reese setting a fine example.

A little while ago a photo popped up in the celebrity gossip columns of Reese Witherspoon, her new husband, and her ex-husband Ryan Phillippe standing together watching their son Deacon’s soccer game.

It takes pretty special parents to be able to do this – what many therapists call ‘Child-Focused Separation’.

These are parents who are consciously aware of the emotional and psychological needs of their children following separation and who are willing to transcend the personal drama of the breakdown of their own relationship to help ease the way for their kids after separation.

In the case of Reese and Ryan, apparently they have a shared parental responsibility arrangement (they both continue to jointly make decisions about the kids) with the kids living primarily with Reese but spending significant time with Ryan.

What the soccer photo showed though was Ryan and Reese choosing to take one of the many extra opportunities – such as sporting events, school programs, recitals, parties, Open School Nights etc – to come together as a family unit. And this soccer game isn’t the only time Reece and Ryan have done this – three months after their split there were seen together attending a school function with their young children.

This is exactly what parents in a child-focused separation do – they put their differences behind them when it comes to “family” time. They’re civil, respectful and totally focused on giving their children the best possible experience when the family spends time together. These caring parents do not confide their frustrations to their children and, most important of all, they limit venting their anger and distain about the former spouse to conversations with other adults.

The significance of spending time together with both Mum and Dad when kids are experiencing the drama of their parent’s separation can’t be overstated. It provides support, security and stability at a time when the children’s world may be falling apart.

By being together at their son’s soccer match Ryan and Reece (and Jim) are rising above any resentment and vindictiveness for the sake of their children – and in the process they’re setting an example that’s worth public mention.

No comments:

Post a Comment